Walk Like an Egyptian

Yes you can walk! Perhaps not so much like an Egyptian but there is a mummified zombie stagger element to it at this early stage.

Being only 1 year, 2 months and 2 weeks old you won't understand the reference in this blog title so feast your eyes on this


Yes indeed - when your old Mum was only 13 this was a hit and I liked it! I preferred Manic Mondays by this same band but thats just me. I did Walk LIke an Egyptian on many a dancefloor during my youth and even well into my 30's.

You too can walk, like an wobbly mummy for now but soon with a hearty confidence then next thing you know there will be running, jumping and skipping. Here's hoping there aren't too many bumps.

Maybe one day you'll moonwalk! Imagine that! Both the real moon kind and the Michael Jackson kind!

Standing Sonny

Bubba - Look how much you've grown and how much of a dude you still are!
You make me laugh and smile and learn and grow and I feel ever so proud of us.
Sometimes you push all my buttons and make me grumpy! But thats not your fault, its just what sleep deprived people feel.
Soon I'll have to take the bull by the horns and deal with the whole crying sleep thing.
If its any consolation - it hurts me as much as it hurts you!

Love you angel, am ever so proud of you and love you to the moon and back
Mum xx

nearly 1

Sonny Moe is one on Thursday. How time flies when you're having fun.
Can't imagine a world without him in it.
He is a great person already, very funny, cheeky and gentle.
I love him ever so much.
I'm pretty proud to be his mum and glad we have made it all the way to 1 without any real problems.
Sure a few sleep issues and I've had to look at my own relationship with anger and control but thats been a positive step.
Otherwise a year full of love, learning and laughter - who could ask for more.

I never say it cause its hard to say - not so hard to type though so here goes. I need to thank 3 ladies in my life, with their assets and flaws, their pros and cons, their baggage and boosts, they are utterly invaluable to me in every way.  My eldest sister who has been my best friend my whole life and I am so freakin happy that she was standing over me watching Sonny arrive in the world.... she nearly wasn't and I'm ever so glad the Universe conspired to make sure she was.  My mum, she is an inspiration and a rock, she may oscillate between wobbly pebble and Mount Kilimanjaro but a rock none the less.  Last but not least my younger sister who I am only now having the pleasure of getting to know as an adult and enjoying every minute of it.  These three lovely ladies have had my back for the last 2 years or the last 37 years' more like it and I thank them from the bottom of my heart and love them ever so much.

Wow!

How cliche is it that I haven't written since I gave birth and my son's already 9 months old!

Have I been busy with motherhood? Yes I have!

So I'm not even going to begin to bore you with endless photos and running commentary on every new and fantastic thing I've witnessed and learnt thanks to my bundle of bouncing baby boy joy.

He is quite simply a total dude! A little legend and a marvelous miracle.

Is motherhood as challenging, tiring, stressful and mental as people say - yes!

Is being a parent as amazing, awe inspiring and magical as they say - shit yes!

Every emotion you've ever had, times a thousand, all at once, all the time. Its a fantastic ride.

Much more importantly though its a daily lesson - your heart, mind and soul swell daily with new insight, new understanding, new experience, new lessons, new perspective.

If you think how much a baby learns between birth and 6 months - sometimes it feels like you are learning at that rate too. Especially if like me, you are suddenly drawn to all the literature about child development. READER BEWARE!

I'm sure its good to read about it - just hard to be discerning and remember to TRUST your own instincts.

Thats what leads me to what I really wanted to say, what occurs to me as an absolute necessary ingredient of healthy parenting is being a healthy adult.

Being a healthy adult is hard! To be physically healthy and mentally healthy is hard work.

Being able to trust yourself, know yourself, own your shit, ask for help, have healthy self awareness and a healthy view of yourself as a person is hard but FUNDAMENTAL to being a good parent I think. Having healthy boundaries, not being afraid to make mistakes, owning your mistakes and apologizing for them when necessary - all tough stuff. To be where you're at and feel what you feel fully in the moment with presence of mind and awareness, to be mindful and considered - shish. Mostly to be very much your own best friend...... taxing to say the least.

I owe the most enormous debt of gratitude to my therapist - she has taught me more than I could have imagined, she has held my hand and guided me through some muddy water, she has stood by my side and supported me, watched me make my mistakes and help me get back on track, encouraged me to fulfill my potential and helped me learn to love me every day.

I am a better version of me thanks to the work we have done together.

I am becoming a healthy adult. Everyday I learn something new about being a parent - I most certainly don't always get it right but being open to the learning is the key.

I hope I can guide my child to be a fully realized individual with self esteem, self awareness and self love.

To know that he is loved, nurtured, valued and adored.
I can only hope to teach him all that he has already taught me.

9 months old already

Sonny Moe Stead

Last Day In The Office

Today is my last day in the office for quite a while.

I'm feeling a little nervous about it to be honest! Its been something like 15 years since I haven't had to goto a fixed job every day...... will the lack of routine throw me? Will I go stir crazy and slightly mad without the familiar monotony? Who knows - but I sure am ready to find out.

I have much to be grateful for, the baby obviously but also that I have built a career that allows me this luxury. That my current employer and I can reach this amicable and workable situation for both of us is terrific. I'm pretty proud to find myself in this solid position at this juncture.

Its just over a week til baby is due to be delivered. My placenta previa means a c-section for sure and its all booked in for Friday the 18th June - how bizarre and conveniently organized to have a fixed date...... a 6:30 am start at the hospital and an 8am operation and then I will meet this little being that I have grown inside me from scratch. Its quite miraculous and I am in awe and wonder of nature for it.

These last couple of weeks there has been a grey cloud over my home environment and a definite spanner in the works which I have found really hard to shake off and has left me very hurt and angry so I feel like I have been a bit broody and moody for this last patch which so wasn't what I wanted for the baby or me. I'm hoping in this next week I can let it go and go back to the excited and warm fuzzy feeling I've had throughout my pregnancy.

Irrespective of what happens there I must try not to let others impact on my wonderful moment.

Love you little one and can't wait to meet you. xxxxxx