Last Day In The Office

Today is my last day in the office for quite a while.

I'm feeling a little nervous about it to be honest! Its been something like 15 years since I haven't had to goto a fixed job every day...... will the lack of routine throw me? Will I go stir crazy and slightly mad without the familiar monotony? Who knows - but I sure am ready to find out.

I have much to be grateful for, the baby obviously but also that I have built a career that allows me this luxury. That my current employer and I can reach this amicable and workable situation for both of us is terrific. I'm pretty proud to find myself in this solid position at this juncture.

Its just over a week til baby is due to be delivered. My placenta previa means a c-section for sure and its all booked in for Friday the 18th June - how bizarre and conveniently organized to have a fixed date...... a 6:30 am start at the hospital and an 8am operation and then I will meet this little being that I have grown inside me from scratch. Its quite miraculous and I am in awe and wonder of nature for it.

These last couple of weeks there has been a grey cloud over my home environment and a definite spanner in the works which I have found really hard to shake off and has left me very hurt and angry so I feel like I have been a bit broody and moody for this last patch which so wasn't what I wanted for the baby or me. I'm hoping in this next week I can let it go and go back to the excited and warm fuzzy feeling I've had throughout my pregnancy.

Irrespective of what happens there I must try not to let others impact on my wonderful moment.

Love you little one and can't wait to meet you. xxxxxx

Keep That Opinion to Yourself!

I was confronted by a friends mother recently. She thought it appropriate to tell me what a terrible mistake she thinks I made and how dreadfully sad it was for the poor baby! Well I was lost for words, not really my thing to be speechless, but I was.

Let me make it quite clear - I didn't ask for her opinion, nor does her opinion matter in the slightest to me but I was quite taken aback that she felt the need to share it with me.

The assumption that this is a decision I have made recklessly without forethought and research was still insulting.

Perhaps if she had bothered to ask me how I came to be in this position, or how I came to make this decisions and the processes you have to go through to get to where I'm at then I could have more respect for her unsolicited opinion - as it was she chose to declare it terrible, unkind and sad to me and other friends without asking me a single question about it - to which I would have liked to say - "Ah fuck you lady!"

But my good manners prevailed and I met with her for a coffee and spent an hour justifying myself instead.

As for poor baby - to be loved, to have been so well planned and considered and to be so very precious is all any baby can hope for.

Sonny -  I won't tell you lies about how you came to be and you (much like many other baby's) may not have a Daddy yet - but I'll work on finding a really good one I promise xx

Hello! Look what I knitted! Jeez - I ask you, is that talent or what?

That's Entertainment!

Since I've been pregnant I have enjoyed a veritable feast of arts thanks to Sydney's fair city. January to March is a GREAT time of year in this city. Here's hoping all the music, theatre and dance has had some impact on baby in the womb. Little one, together we have seen:-

Street Car Named Desire @ Sydney Theatre with Cate Blanchett and Joel Edgerton

(we went to see this the night I was inseminated!)

Swan Lake by the Imperial russian Ballet @ The State Theatre

(thanks to grandma)

Cosi Fan Tutti @ The Opera House

(very modern version)

Alan Cummings stand up show comedy @ The Opera Studio

(camp humor with plenty of singing)

Homebake Festival @ The Domain

The Temper Trap @ The Enmore Theatre

Baile De Rua @ The Opera House

(Brazilian Dance Troupe)

(The rev) Al Green @ The State Theatre

(What a legend!)

Grizzly Bear @ The Army Barracks

The Mess Hall @ The Army Barracks

Cabins @ Low Bar

Pixies @ The Horden Pavilion

James Taylor & Carol King @ The Entertainment Centre

(awesome!)

We saw the Mess Hall and Cabins as well as Paul Dempsey a few times this year along with a lot of other Aussie acts including Bridezilla, Youth Group, Dan Kelly, Eddy Current etc etc

We also went to 2 Weddings, the moonlight cinema and Hamilton Island

We've been busy I tell ya!

Cot Death

Yesterday I thought either the cot or me were going to die for sure!

I quite pride myself on being a practical DIY fix it kindda gal. I'm not one to put on a high pitched voice and whine "Huuuuunn" to the man in my life then point to the tool kit like a clueless teenager with a shrug of the shoulders that implies - "can you fix it". Perhaps this is because there isn't a man in my life or perhaps cause I've always felt quite capable at giving things a whirl, either way I most certainly wished there was one in my life yesterday to not only help choose the cot but pick it up from the industrial shopping site, help lift and shove it in the back of the car, then haul it up the stairs and finally put the thing together with the use of nothing but the worlds most retarded instructions.

After much swearing, sweating and pain - bending over in small spaces and lifting heavy things are not advisable at 7 months pregnant - it was done.

Needless to say I was thrilled once it was complete and it makes it all the more real that soon I will get to meet this little kicker inside who tumbles and rolls and jabs me at every given opportunity.

I need to add some bits and bobs to the walls but pretty good eh?...............for a girl!

Not really a good time to date

considering I look quite large and definitely pregnant, but I feel so in the mood for love. I feel strong and sexy and happy.

Responses

I've had some pretty interesting responses to my pregnancy because of my donor situation, I'll share a few that have amused me:-

There's the very common response from men of "What? Why? I have loads of sperm!"

Well thats terrific, I'm glad you have spoo a plenty.............. and your point is............?

then there was the:

Mr X "Is that your bull there that you're standing with"

Me: "My what sorry?"

Mr X "You're bull you know (wink wink nudge nudge)"

Me: "Oh, this is a work colleague of mine, I believe he's still human"

Then there was the particularly charming "Mate, I'd have given you sperm wherever you wanted it, the face, the chest ha ha ha"

I didn't think this one really warranted a response, I just smiled.

There have been a few awkward and confused "Well, um, wow, well, um, well, good on you."

and lots of "Cool how do they put it in?" again with these ones a polite smile and a 'oh look there's someone less neanderthal across the room I need to talk to' look seems to do the trick.

Women on the other hand have asked for all the details. How did you choose? Where do you go? Is it expensive? Was it painful? How do you feel?

And then there have been plenty of congratulations! thats brilliant! and well done's too.

All in all I feel so good, strong and courageous about my decision I'm not remotely bothered what the response is, but I do always find them interesting.

But It Worked

So after a round of IVF, for anyone who has gone through IVF I salute you, for anyone who hasn't I hope the need never arises, on October 26th it was confirmed I am pregnant!

There aren't any words that rightly express how happy, thrilled, terrified, excited and afraid I am.

After a few months of swollen blurgh and huge expense there was the pending fear of the negative pregnancy test followed by the emotional elation of a positive pregnancy test, tears, laughter, joy, fear, excitement, overwhelming love a veritable rainbow of emotions!! There aren't really words to describe how fantastic it is to hear this kind of news so I won't bother trying to explain, needless to say ones heart explodes.

This was followed by a few weeks of feeling really freakin unwell - I was totally bewildered that ANYONE has a sibling - who the hell would do this twice? Feeling as though you are on a bad ferry ride across the English Channel all freakin day! Random acts of vomiting, killer headaches and being more tired than a woman who ran the Paris Dakar. Of course there's the old don't tell anyone til the 12 weeks stage which is so hard, especially if like me, secrets make you nervous, not to mention the fact that you look like you ate all the pies and then some but can't explain your frumpy look to anyone.

But then da dah - your baby grows and you get to see its little bits on ultrasounds and your tummy rounds and you can share the awesome news with all and sundry, the second trimester sure delivers....... I'm feeling a whole hell of a lot better and I now look pregnant! I feel all woman. 

I feel blessed, full and madly in love!